Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Fancy a Farktum? Or cheap meatballs?

For those of you familiar with Danger Dad  - hes actually got a second quite fitting persona, affectionately and aptly named 'Tight ASS'   'Frugal Dad'.    Hes the version that waits until Tuesday to get DVD's for the kids.   Why?   Beccause its $1 weeklies and $2 new releases.    Fortunately to go along with $2 Tuesdays, the local pizza joint  four doors down has $5 large pizzas.  

We see new flicks and eat pizza until we have to adjust our belts all on TIGHT ASS FRUGAL TUESDAY.  Danger Dad just likes a bargain.  Why pay full price!  is his motto. 

Tonight we went down to Ikea.   We stroll along without any real intentions of buying furniture, maybe a few knick knacks, doo dads or thingymagigs..my personal favourites..  

Tonight I was almost convinced I needed a little tea light candle lantern.   

OOhhh the doo dads.   I mean, an avocado slicer  is a good buy for $3, right? .... RIGHT?    It helps you to slice avocadoes.   Better than you could with a knife. 

Say you were catering a large crowd, wouldnt that just be swell and dandy to whip out your Ikea Avo slicer :)     Truthfully, Ive used it once, it was infact rubbish at slicing avo's.   Perhaps it was something else?     

I just thought it was, but afterall it WAS labeled in Swedish..  Dont start me on the Ikea product names, they are freaking hilarious.  Remember the Barnslig or the Jerker?  The Jerker was a desk.   My personal favourites are the Fukta plant spray and Fartfull workbench.   The new Lyckhem? Not seen that yet.  Wonder if that will be a hot seller?  Hahahaha. The ever popular Farktum,  Duktig,  or Danger Dads new fave the Bumerang clothes hangers!!!
So today being TIGHT ASS TUESDAY theres also a special down at Ikea.   The cafe they have instore has a Swedish meatball and mash deal for $3 something or other.   Bargain.   We put the 2 older kids into the kiddy play area for an hour for free, while we head to the cafe to eat in peace (ANOTHER BONUS).  We get four plates of food for $20.  Im merrily munching away and feeding Reuben balls and mash from my plate and chatting, and out of the corner of my eye  I see Danger Dad/Frugal Dad whipping out a container from a plastic bag he has produced from the diabetes supply bag.   Im thinking 'WTF?'.    And chanelling my inner Reyna I muttered much like I imagine her saying it, minus the mascara ...'FFS!'   

He is stealthily moving meatballs, mash, chips and chicken schnitzels from the store plates to his plastic containers to take home (for work tomorrow he explains) with dexterity, poise and ninja ability.  

Im both proud and mortified at this point.   I mean, he paid for the food...why not?    And omg, is he really doing THAT ?   I pretended not to see what he was doing, and carried on eating with my face turning a gorgeous beetroot-ish shade,   lol.

So my frugal husband is heading through the checkouts and sees a sign that says $1 hot dogs, $1 softdrinks, and .50c icecream cones.   He cannot pass this one up.

Im embarrased people might recognise us as the people who stuffed themselves upstairs, and see us for the frauds we are, not actually wanting to look at their furniture, just eat their cheap food!

Balancing 5 hotdogs with sauce, a refillable softdrink and 5 icecream cones, we sit and try to relax. 

My kids begin screeching at top volume.  

Look at the hair!   Great - they are both turning and pointing.

Its purple.

Ok Ive heard them and I want to silence them.  I give them a subtle 'look'.   Nope, subtle doesnt work on my kids.   Maybe I should acknowledge their observation and they will be quiet.

Yes kids, purple hair.   Very purple.   Okay. Hope that did it.
Its purple that lady has purple hair!   Shes now incorporated jumping and pointing into this embarrasing performance.
No, Jo Jo, thats a man, yells her brother in a voice that could be heard across the oceans.
No, Bub its a lady. A laaaaaaaaaaaady.
Me yelling, shut UP kids.

Im hoping that if I have a look they will simmer down.   I turn to look at said purple haired shopper, a cranky looking emo with black and purple striped hair, standing oh, half a meter away from us.   (How embarrassed was I that I couldnt settle this dispute, I was too tired and ashamed to say I couldnt actually tell if it was a man or a woman.  But I can confirm the annoyed purple haired emo, had hair that was incredibly purple.  And they had heard every word...eek.)

This is just one of many episodes in my existence where I feel like the only semi-civilised member of my family. 


  1. Ha! Gotta love taking the fam out in public! :) My son was in the way of someone at the store a few years ago, and as tired as I was, I steered him out of the way and said "J. let's move for the nice man", well...it was a WOMAN! So I suppose I can be just as embarrassing as they are. :D

  2. Love it, Jules!! Totally cracks me up that Tight A$$ Dad was putting food in 'to go' containers he brought himself! That totally takes 'frugal' to a new level!! Love that kids can be so oblivious to the fact that other people can hear what they are saying....and really, if you have purple striped hair can you really expect no one to make comments?!?!?

  3. I had to laugh at the thought of Tight Ass Dad bringing along containers and then filling them with meatballs, mash, chips and chicken schnitzel! Too funny!

    And the kids? Classic! You know, it's not every day that you see a person with purple striped hair! :)

    I must admit that I've fallen for a few avo slicer-type items at Ikea myself. The names crack me up. The Fartfull? Haven't seen that one. :) We have the Expedit shelving unit in our playroom. Call us crazy, but we always refer to it as "the Expedit."

  4. A mum at school had pink hair for a while. My kids would comment nearly every day.

    The shame.

  5. LOLOL you are too funny Jules!! I can totally relate to the inappropriate kiddo comments out in public...one time at the post office, Emma pointed right at a man with a fairly large belly on him and shouted to me "Mommy?!! WHEN IS THAT MAN GOING TO HAVE HIS BABY?!" lol...i tried to ignore her and it only got louder..lolol...crazy kids!

  6. I am not sure I have ever read a post as funny as this Jules!!! HYSTERICAL. I can just picture the food being pilfered away for future feasts! And, I have never been to an IKEA. We don't have one in VT. I need to get to one to understand all these names and products you all speak of with such ease and grace.

    AND...You did me proud...channeling the "inner me". It is rewarding, is it not? xoxo

  7. your husband and my father must be related - he just has to eat at IKEA because it is such a bargain, even if he just ate an hour ago...and yes he takes the food home that he didn't finish for his lunch, because "hey I already paid for it!"
    My kiddos lately have been pointing out everybody's smoking habits in public, that's pretty ummm....well...I'm not quite sure how I feel about it, it's one thing to quietly ask us about it and quite another to shout, "Is he going to die from lung cancer?"
    Thanks for sharing this awesome family time story, your family is adorable!