Well I sure wish I could make this blog all unicorns, rainbows and lollipops. But in all honesty I dont think that would help anyone, much less ME, who needs to be honest and open about my struggles managing my toddlers diabetes. Reuben has had Type 1 for a year. He is 4 months away from turning 2 years old. The math is easy, hes had diabetes more than half his little life, being dx at 8months.
We have had so many insulin regimes my head spins. We were on Novorapid/Levemir, Then Protophane/Novorapid/Levemir, Then Lantus/Novorapid, Then back to Novorapid/Levemir, Then back to Protophane/Novorapid/Levemir. 5 changes in a year thats like only 8 weeks on each regime... ergh.. I just want some stablity!
We are going through some toddler issues, and they relate to his diabetes, I dont see how you can compartmentalise it and say it just comes down to needles and doses and carb counting.
For us its complicated.
He wont sit still for starters. He delights in saying NO! He knows what you are asking him and he deliberately does the opposite. He climbs up on dangerously high things. He like ridiculously sharp pointy things and manages to find them. Reuben doesnt eat consistently with ANY regularity or pattern. One day he will eat something and the next he just flat out refuses. He refuses spoon feeding.
Going out then becomes difficult because you have to carry the hypokit with supplies he will take. So it turns into a bag FULL of chocolate, biscuits, crackers, lollipops, gel, different juices, a lucozade incase we cant get him to take the volume required to treat a hypo. Its not fun or easy taking him anywhere with me. He delights in playing with his food. He loves to feed it to the dog. He likes to jam small things into draws and jars and holes. He loves the drama of swiping his full bowl onto the floor and exclaiming "OH NO!" "UH OH!" He loves to draw and paint on walls... with food stuffs.
We go to the endo on Tuesday. For another HbA1c. Im spending a portion of each day crying over diabetes. I hope I flick a switch at some point and become 'undepressed'. I had to take an injury break from the gym, which didnt help, and I gained back some weight Im really keen to lose. I dont see how I can be positive and giving to my husband and kids when Im feeling crappy on the inside myself. I wish the reality of where Im at was better.
I wish I had help.
Truly I was in denial for a good while. I wish I was back there in denial-land sometimes. I wish I was back there pre-diabetes and appreciated each and everyday with passion. Anyone NOT living with chronic illness in their lives has nooo idea.