Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Thank you DOC

If I recall today one year ago, we got up at the crisp crack of dawn, one day out from the start of winter so we could get back to the hospital.  

My heart was literally breaking like the dawn I so dreaded and craved as the black of night slipped away and the first day of the rest of our lives began.

 I had taken Reubens little pajamas which smelled vividly of ketones and placed them on my pillow, while I sent out panicked prayers as I drifted in and out of sleep back home.  Meanwhile he had spent the night in the paediatric intensive care unit attached to tubes and drips and monitors.   He was assigned a nurse who sat by his bedside the entire night, monitoring his vitals, my tiny sick baby.     We werent allowed back inside immediately because they had to re-do his IV.   Eek.   The place was harder to get into than Alcatraz was to get out of - with locking doors, cameras, security speakers and pin codes.    Between my baby and I were huge white walls, stark swinging doors and nurses more stern than burly bouncers at a pub brawl.

When I saw him that morning if my heart wasnt broken thoroughly already, it surely broke now.

He was limp and thin.  And entirely exhausted. 

This illness is autoimmune, these unruly cells that were supposed to attack foreign bodies and help him out, failed him.  Instead, getting a penchant for fighting friends, turned on his good cells and his ability to make his own insulin to process his sugars, now a thing of the past :(    Like a crappy flatmate, packing its bags without notice, leaving you in an empty house, to clean up,  to foot the expenses and face the landlord alone.

The Endos and Diabetes Eds came in crowding around his bed.   I had no idea if I would ever see these people again, but they were all interested in me telling our story over and over.  The virus, the gastro, the weightloss, the sleepless nights and the funny 'smell'.  They asked questions as they peered at my baby laying lifelessly on the bed, things like time frames - how long had he been sick?  Did I give breast milk or formula? 
I felt guilty truly I did, initially I felt like I had harmed my baby because of their rapid fire questions.

Theres real healing in talking about those days.   The salve of being heard.   Of being understood.   A friend who 'gets it' saying, yup I know it truly sucks.   Thankyou DOC.

Thankyou that you validate me and say to me, yup this is hard.  Diabetes SUCKS!

 Or Diabetes is a big fat turd. (Thankyou Reyna and Joe from Beta Buddies). 

 Or hearing  Sugar coat all you like. When I prick my kids finger, I see blood. Not F-ckin glitter.  (Thankyou Alexis from Justice's Misbehaving Pancreas). 

Theres some awesomeness in the DOC.    I love when I read things like-

Denise's Ubergeek (From My sweet bean and her pod) can communicate in a 'your pancreas skills suck at the moment' kind of tone.     

And in Sarahs world (The Ethan and Isaac Show) she also has to say obvious things to a Dr. like my youngest was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 19 months and it's a little more complicated than just finding a babysitter.

Or when Alans (From Two Organs Short)  at work and gets those calls-  Everyone I work with is used to the calls: "he's high", "he's low", "he's pulled his site out", "another kid pulled his site out".

From over at Diapeepee's -   Roseladys dia-poetic abilities made me laugh out loud -   I can count carbs in a box. I can count them in my socks. I can count them here or there. I can count them anywhere.

And truth is definately stranger than fiction over at D-Tales.   Heidi discusses Dexcom going swimming and sitting in rice, all with accompanying pics.

Im not alone!!   I cannot say it any better than when Melissa (From My Corner)  said I sit nodding in agreement, crying in the pain shared and strangely comforted by others need to vent.

Thanks everyone, theres literally too many to mention in one day but you guys rock!!  I do nod, laugh, cry and feel comforted and like a part of something bigger than myself and Reubens Diabetes.

Speaking of rocks, check out this awesome post by Wendy of Candy Hearts.


Freaking blogger acting up, I had to put the links in all dodgy sorry, it just wouldnt take them any other way and I really had to link to your fabulous blogs xx.



  1. We do get it. Thats why I love the DOC.
    Hugs to you and sweet Reuben.
    Lora (google is acting up)

  2. We're one big cyber family. Unconditional and real. Stay strong, Mama. You're doing great.

  3. 'Same' is such a wonderful thing! We can laugh together, cry together, scream together, and tell Diabetes to SUCK IT together!!
    Much love to you and Reuben and your whole family! :)

  4. I hate diabetes but without it I wouldn't have met you or the DOC. My life is richer.

  5. Awww...The DOC Rocks because of Mama's like you Jules. Thanks for the shout out and sorry about blogger!!! I have been thinking of switching to something else when I get a chance. It has been acting up for me too lately.

    (((HUGS))) The DOC is FAB!!!

  6. Definitely good to have so many perspectives around here. I think it's good we all have a chance to get someone else's take besides our own sometimes! (Roselady -- also dealing with Google problems...)

  7. Ahh Jules, what a kind post. I am heartbroken to hear of the parade of docs when your babe was dx, how awful. I love the DOC, just wish I could give you all a hug so often when I read your stories. I am sad you're here, but thankful to be with you KWIM? Same-Same means a lot these days.

  8. Many thanks for the amazing article.

  9. You said it correctly. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful information specifically the last part :) I care for such info a lot. Thank you.

  10. I really liked your blog! It helped me a lot…

  11. HI! I just wanted to pop in and say I am still here. Thanks for checking on me. I have ahad a few rough weeks and blogging just wasnt on the top of the list. I am behind on catching up but saw your email and wanted to pop in. Your post brought me back to how hard it was with Joshua. Thank you for sharing the raw emotion of it. I have really enjoyed getting to know you through the computer. Be on the look out this weekend for some blog updates.

  12. So happy to have met you! So thankful for the DOC! Sending you love!!!

    BTW, when he was a newborn, my youngest Max spent a week in the NICU, not for diabetes, but he was deathly ill and the experience and the setting was similar to what you described here. Awful! That feeling of "same" struck me as I was reading!

  13. I remember the line of doctors so clearly. It was like we were a freak show. Both when he was first dx at 4 months and again when we transitioned off insulin at 21 months. We told the same story over and over again to each new set of doctors. I just keep thinking though that for every doctor who saw my sweet baby boy, that is one more who may know about the unusual case of the baby with diabetes if they ever come across one in their line of work.