Wednesday, May 4, 2011

up at 3am

Look Im up at 3am. No biggie right? We all get up sometimes. During. Those. darkest. Hours. so You get up to pee? Im up agonising over another needle in his tHigh. Yeah he cannot sleeping without Pricks n jabs. I need to decide while im half asleep just How much insulin i need to give him. I have sleep in my eyes. A headache from broken sleep. Knots in my stomach. Dry mouth. Racing chest. Racing brain.

i worry and second guess my chosen dose. I even retest to be sure.

Hes dependent on me Being up like this. Being his pancreas.

Being afraid for him...knowing all too well the risks of this drug i am in charge of administering.

Tonight i stay awake to see What the correction dose has done. Lets be honest.

Insulin can and does become lethal.

I encourage You to head over to beta buddies If You Havent already as Reyna blogged more eloquently Than i could. Love You! also do read the princess and the pump.

I get angry When diabetes is trivialised. Its a scary awful grind. No choice. Hour to Hour. Day by day. Needle to Needle. Test to test. Theres no cure. Just life support in the form of a stinky drug and Loving families.

The fact is People die from diabetes.


  1. I think we need to know that it's okay to live life fully with diabetes, too, not to trivialize it but to acknowledge the difficult path and then keep going. I think seeing my husband do it day in and day out for more than half his life now has been a reminder of how endless it is but also how things will be okay with consistency and vigilance (not perfection, just our best ability).
    I appreciate this post. I appreciate anybody being willing to share honestly about how hard t1d is on not only the person with diabetes but the whole family. I hope you get a little more rest today, maybe a nap, and know that you're not alone at those 3am checks nor with the need for coffee like others need air. Oh, how I wish we could just all live near one another and take turns staying up to check all these amazing children to keep them safe.
    Take care friend :)

  2. Yes, insulin is a dangerous drug. Unless I know I am alert enough, there are times when I give a half correction overnight. To bring down the blood sugar but not too far. Not always, but if she has had a lot of exercise, if I fear I may be too tired to respond to an alarm. If in doubt, just give half. Some endos prescribe half corrections as a matter of course overnight. You are doing a great job. I believe we can keep our children safe, even when I read of accidents or deaths. I have to believe that. Accidents or death can happen, but they are rare. No consolation to the parents who are not in the majority and no death is acceptable. But we cannot give in to fear.

  3. I, too, get angry when diabetes is trivialized. Sigh...

    Moving post!