Monday, February 21, 2011

Blog for my big bumps

Ive been pretty slack with photos and collecting baby memories.  Some things I do have are baby footprints of all three of my kids.   I have the pregnancy tests from the very first moment I 'knew' of them and the things Im going to share here today.   The letters I wrote to them when they were still big-uncomfortable-heartbearn inducing-stretchmark causing-ouchy kicking-bumps in my belly.

 I dont know about other Mums but Im pretty sure its universal; its entirely possible to fall in love with a baby youve never met.    The minute you know theres a little life in your belly you connect with 'them' like no body else can.  

BABY #1.   My first son was born in 2004 - we tried for about 6 months to fall pregnant.  I got a call in December from the GP saying dont celebrate Christmas/New Years with champagne - YOU ARE PREGNANT!!   It was exciting from the start. I counted down in days.   He was born at 41weeks, 9lbs1oz on a Friday at 1.57pm.   His birth included vacuum, episiotomy, epidural and various other drugs and interventions (eek).    I will endeavour to write it out as it was scratched out the old fashioned way (Please ignore the grammar Im sure it was pregnancy induced Mummy brain)!

To My Darling Son Evander Love Mummy  (obviously hand written in later on!)

Im 32 Weeks pregnant with you.  At this stage they say we are having a  little boy and I hope its true as I've prayed to God and asked for a little boy first!  We dont have a name picked out for you yet.  We cant seem to pick anything and agree on it.  We want it to sound nice, we want it to say particular things about our little guy, and has a nice meaning.   Your father and I laugh at some of the names we find in baby books..and cant imagine calling our baby that, let alone a young man, and then an adult that you will eventually become. 

I pray for your health, that you are strong and healthy.   Its hard to tell what sort of boy you will be - in utero you are quiet for long periods.   I cant feel you moving at all and I poke you to make sure you are okay in there.  If you stay like that when you are born, you will most definately take after your daddy as he is mellow as they come!  Late at night, thats when you really come alive!!  You kick your mummy pretty hard while I sleep, you wriggle around and kick me high under the ribs :D  and perhaps this part of you reminds me of me :D

Im nervous about being a Mummy.   I love having you in my tummy, its special and its just you and me for now, I dont have to share you with anyone.   What I eat, you eat; where I go you go with me.   I have no idea really what to expect, scared and excited about the labor, however thinking about the responsibility involved in raising you.  I need to learn how to meet your needs; how to bathe you and change you, feed you and teach you things. 

I imagine the moment after birth when I finally get to meet you, and see you for the first time, count your fingers and toes and look into your little eyes.   I want to be able to hug you now.. especially when you are hiccupping!  And as excited as I am, this is sad in a way, because they will cut the cord that joins you and me forever.  And you will breathe on your own, eat on your own.

I want to show you and communicate how much I love you, and I want us to be good friends.   I want to offer you opportunites to deveop mentally, spiritually, emotionally.   I always want to be there for you.   I want to laugh with you and play with you.   I want to be proud of all the stages of you growing.   I imagine us playing games and learning how to swim or playing tennis or some other sport you show interest in, you being musical, us reading books ... and your Daddy and I being a happy close family. XXOO

BABY #2 -   My second child was a daughter born in 2007,  7lbs1oz at 2.43am on a Monday morning.  Her birth was 3 yrs and 3 months later.   It took all this time to get pregnant with her and I was getting worried !    Her birth was truly amazing I organised a doula as I wanted to avoid all the interventions I had with my first and wow was the labor different.   She was born at 37weeks, 12 minutes after being wheeled into the labor suite. I thought she would be born on the side of the highway in our 4wd. 

To the Baby in my belly !!!

This week I am 33 weeks pregnant.   I wrote a letter for your brother also when he was in my tummy at around this same time but boy will this one be different!  I am a different person to who I was before I became a Mum. 

I cannot imagine what life would be like without Evander.   He has changed me in ways, and fulfilled parts of me I didnt realise existed.  Where I used to try to over acheive and seek approval from and nuture people who shouldnt matter, I channelled alot of my energy into being a good Mum.  In trying to raise a well rounded, confident and most importantly, LOVED child.

Now this time around with you in my tummy, Im not worried about being in labor or the birth or how to change nappies or how to know if you are getting enough breastmilk (all those things involving me and my learning curve)  my concern is when you arrive and the hours upon hours upon hours of love and time I need to invest to make you shine and grow into the person God needs you to be!  

I feel so blessed after trying to conceive you for so long, and praying so often that we have you!  This pregnancy has been emotional but very healthy all the same.   You seem to be very quiet in my tummy at night.  Your brother used to kick and poke and keep me awake.  He also gave me shocking heartburn.  But you are very content in there, quiet for long periods, playing around as you please.  

You are so good you also make me crave salad sandwiches and mandarines.  

I went for my first scan and they couldnt tell me your gender.   The second scan I payed for myself and they still couldnt tell me your gender.   Third scan lucky right? NO!   They still couldnt tell but guessed a girl.  You are also breech.   I have succumbed to the pretty pink things and bought a few outfits just in case.   We have a girls name picked out but we may change our minds just yet.   Its tricky naming a litle person :)   Plus we still feel like what if (?) you are a boy afterall !! Either way we are excited.

I want so many good things for you and your life and I intend to never stop working towards this goal.  Everything I know I want to teach, everything we do I want to share with you.   You will never understand how much love I have for you even before you have even arrived.   I cannot wait to meet you xx.

BABY #3 - Reubs was born in 2009.    We got pregnant very quickly and easily this time and he wasnt exactly planned but was in Gods plan for us !  The gap between my youngest 2 is 22months.   He was 8lbs15oz born at 8.12am Monday morning.  
His birth was peaceful and intervention free, coming 40minutes after arriving at delivery.

Dear Reuben @ 34weeks 4 days

Well its just you and me up right now little man!  Daddy is snoring like a freight train.  He gets up early and works hard to look after us.

Evander is 2 sleeps away from his 5th birthday and little jojo is 21 months and sleeping like a princess in her pink big girl bed :)   You are active, strong and feel so BIG!  My belly is stretched to what feels like capacity.   The thought of 5 more weeks pregnant makes me cry!   You were my wonderful surprise baby.   I bet you will be a wonderful blessing and continue to surprise your mummy!   Im looking forward to meeting you.   To holding you, nursing you and smelling your skin. 

Hope our birth proves we are a great team.  This time as a Mum Im feeling much more confident - excited - and overwhelmed at once.   Im excited for Evander who is just pumped about being a brother and having a brother.  Bunk beds, sharing his room and trains.   And for JoJo who will be home with you when Evander heads off to school.   Bub made me pack a green teddy for you in my hospital bag for you to play with.   So wonderful seeing it through your brother and sisters eyes.  Im so happy to be adding to our family.   A full noisy house.  Loved ones to care for.   Love you so much little man and hope I can be a good Mummy.  Hope to meet you sooner rather than later.   Love Mummy xxx.

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