When the alarm goes off in the morning I simply cannot beleive its another day.
My head is foggy and my body achey. I mustve averaged five hours with a few wakings in amongst the zzzz's. Our curtains are drawn yet I see sunshine poking its irritatingly cheerful head through the gaps in the roman blinds. Argh. Do I really have to get up. My eyeballs seem to be getting sucked into the recesses of my skull. Wow tired eyes can hurt! Sometimes Im so tired when I get up I wonder where I am. Nothing three strong coffees cant fix. I wish someone would drip feed me some before staggering to the kitchen. Liquid gold.
Reaching up to its handy spot on the head of the bed, I grab my phone and switch off the alarm. I roll to check on Reuben. We co-sleep like I did with his brother and sister- and the little guy sleeps curled up under my armpit nose snuggled against my breast. Im a massive fan of attachment parenting and breastfeeding. Reubs is a massive fan of his mummy's bee bees (thats baby speak for boobies!).
Nursing Reubs has been a God send with diabetes. I have no idea how many carbs are in a feed of breastmilk. I dont even know how much he gets volume wise in a nursing session. I know its water, sugar, fats and lots of other goodies that in my humble opinion my kids benefit from having. I wouldnt have it any other way, diabetes or not. Seriously I dont mind being a human pacifier.
It bites to think my son was diagnosed as a mere baby. In the early days he would stir when feeling low throught he night, have a boobie-snack and go peacefully back to sleep. Yep my boobies did the trick! Pretty weird writing in the log book - went to bed at 9.8BGL, woke for right breast at 2am and leftie at 3am.
When Reuben is nuzzling away I enjoy the fact that hes showing me hes okay because truthfully when hes sleeping soundly Im staring at him in the dark. Wondering. Worrying. Whens he going to wake next? Have his numbers dropped too low? I check to see his chest is rising and falling rhythmically. I put my nose to his mouth to see if I can smell his sweet baby breath and hear him exhaling ever so gently. I think back to his last test. What were his numbers. What did he eat last; was supper low GI? What was the bugle trending - up or down?
Okay my sleep is non existent now diabetes showed up. But - Im determined not to let diabetes steal anything else from Reuben and I. (Afterall hes a baby first, not a diabetic) We arent giving up our boobie-time. Nor our big bed snuggles.