Monday, February 21, 2011

Mindfulness & Motherhood

We live in the moment day to day; a very busy collection of moments and rarely do I take much time to think back.   Or more precisely I dont get alot of down time.   (Right now Im thinking about vacuuming, mopping, two loads of laundry, the next BGL in 30 minutes....)

Im a proponent of practising mindfulness.   Breathing.   Being in that moment.  Catching rising emotions at their inception.   Learning what I can and beginning to understand them.   I finish the exercise with acknowledging I cannot change situations, just my reactions to them and  letting them go. 

 Im moving forward.  I have to do this to make room in my mind and heart for Reuben and his diabetes.     It can sometimes swamp you all at once leaving you gasping for air.   
I was talking on the phone with my mum for 2 and a half hours the other afternoon.   The feeling I was dealing with was sadness and a real sense of missing that familial 'connection'.  You know, cuppa and cream buns at your Mums or fish and chips on Friday night.   A good game of boggle or scrabble when I need to get the cobwebs out.   A trip to the store to pick up a few 'things'.  Companion on an errand.  Advice on which dress to buy.   All the important stuff.

My folks live 3.5 hrs away by car and are busy with beef cattle- branding them and spraying for buffalo flies and showing canines in the confirmation ring amongst other things.   All the best intentions mean we catch up infrequently.   

No matter how long its been - talking to Mum is comforting.    Shes a super listener and the most sensible and reliable person Ive ever met.   Even now as an adult somethings in my mind cannot be separated from Mum and my childhood -  like hot cocoa, or Mums knitting needles click clacking or the sounds of her sewing machine, or even the smell of hot beef and vege stew.    Not to mention the kettle boiling !   I want to be reliable like that for my kids.    I want them to know I wont judge them and they can count on me. 

I may not be perfect wellll, almost!!   I want to take stock of how we are going regularly and adjust in all areas.

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