It occured to me last night
that I spend most of my sleeping hours - awake - or being woken - or in the process of being woken by an alarm - or dreaming about accidentally not setting my alarm so that Im panicking as I sleep about NOT being woken for the said alarm...
Those awful hours when I should be sleeping
(and boy oh boy my body knows it should be sleeping)
are spent with my eyes squinting, hurting, adjusting to a darkened room while I check a blood sugar.
Normally this involves repeat alarms because Im so tired when the dreadful thing goes off I press snooze. The other morning the alarm went off at 2am and I managed to get myself upright and checked Reubs by 2.37am...
Sleep deprivation truly is a method of torture.
I fumble with the pricker. I drop it on the floor. I pat around the floor until I recover it. I try to unzip the glucose monitor bag. (I use the accucheck mobile at night now, forget about fiddling with strips in foil packets or in little cannisters!) If I squint just so from my right eye and get enough moonlight from the window, I can just about do the remaining 90% of the job by feel alone!
Sometimes its all too hard and I put my mobile phone in my mouth and bend forward so it casts enough light to see where the lancet actually provided a droplet of blood.
Often Im not even squeezing the right toe.
Ive been known to throw things and say impolite things as I can get quite agro when my brain is this exhausted. There should be no excuse for error-ing blood glucose tests at witching hour!
Id like a fancy dinner, chocolates, flowers, a massage, a bottle of wine, breakfast in bed and all the housework and Mummy jobs completed for me - however what I REALLY need is a torch.
It needs to have a button I can find easily and quickly to switch it on in the dark while my grey matter is the consistency of marshmallow
It needs to have good battery life I dont think I will let it live if it fails me
It has to be small so it can fit in my mouth while doing a BGL on a flip-flopping toddler
It cant be breakable It has to like being brutalised
And please make it ugly so my other kids dont want to play with it!