Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Getting past survival

We've been treading water it seems. 

I look back at Reubens average BGL's and it seems like his Hba1c isnt going to be much improved on last time.    Since this is my full time occupation managing little R's pancreatic goings-ons, then its like a report card for me... ? Or at least this is how it feels.  Does anyone else feel that?
Our 3 monthly endo appointment is happening in three weeks time.    I always feel like Im on trial going into them.   This is how I am with authority figures - nervous even when Ive done nothing wrong.    Ive just gotta see a police car and Im sweating bullets.  My mind will race back to that glass of champagne I had last Saturday at the tupperware party... gee hope thats out of my system and Im not unknowingly drink-driving. I know, crazy right?

Where was I?  Oh yeah. Treading water.   I knew this blog was going somewhere.

You know when someone is ready for change they get their hair cut?   Its an outward symbol of the condition of their heart and mind.   I fully believe theres plenty going on inside of someone when they want a drastic change (long blonde hair, goes dark, short and spikey)... that type of thing.   They display physically a spiritual change.   Time to change, to make over, to renew, to regenerate, to transition to the next thing.

Life is full of that.   The next thing, the next thing, the next thing.

The last few days Ive begun cleaning and nesting and making way by de-cluttering and taking stock.  (no Im not pregnant!) And all the bread and muffin baking?   I totally think change is on the horizon. 

We are fast approaching Reubens 1 year dia-versary. I feel like its time I got past these 'survival days' with diabetes.   I feel like Im ready to hit this thing head on, grab it by the horns so to speak.   Im going to stop posting about 'coping' - honestly I think Ive been preaching to myself to help me get through these days.

Im accepting the tiredness and unpredictability of our new life.  

Totally unrelated and unnecessary picture, couldnt have been buggered downloading an appropriate picture today! lol.J.


  1. Here's to a good A1C and a good year ahead!

  2. Yes, I think a lot of us feel like it's a report card--it's hard not to think of it that way, but go easy on yourself! I like your take charge attitude. Hope the appt goes well!

  3. Yep, I think we all feel like it is a report card. You just have to remember that each report is a tool to help you see what you need to do next. It is just a number. You know that you are working hard at this pancreas stuff, and that is what matters.

    Good luck at the appt in a few weeks!

  4. First off..."same-same" on the A1C report card bit. I think it is fairly normal to feel that way. And, like Tracy said...use it as a tool. However, that doesn't help when the number hits and it isn't what you were hoping for.

    And...on the no posting about coping...well don't beat yourself up if you need to post a bit more on that. I think that is what I struggled with the most after Joe was diagnosed. I felt I should be "all set" "all done" "good-to-go" with the whole grief/coping crap at 6 months...a year...a year and a half. The thing is, I think we all struggle in this department now and again. I just wanted to let you know that it is "OK". I wish someone had let me know that years ago. Love you Jules.